Funny Video

Maybe this will happen soon...

Drinking Buddies

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Syracuse, N.Y. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck with nothing to do.

Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"

Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz --- You wanna try it?"

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch. They get completely smashed. The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side-effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings... It's Jim.

Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"

Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"

Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have ahangover?"

Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."

Jim says, "Yeah, well there's just one thing...Have you farted yet?"

"No...."

"Well, DON'T. I'm in Los Angeles.

Where does the time go?

I just realized that I haven't made any kind of post in five days. I was going to make a post after this past weekend's race. What is there to write about a 42nd finish? That just sucked. Out on lap three. A day when JR could really take advantage of Jimmy having a bad day, he has one himself. I guess that keeps the hope alive, barely. The good news out of this past weekend was that Truex is now the points leader for the Busch Series. Time to build on that and run away with the repeat. Now that he has the points lead, look for him to sign that contract for DEI. There is now 13 drivers for the Chase for the Cup. With 10 weeks to go, it is time to start making some ground to get under 400, or pack it in and prepare for next year.

I also have another reason why this post is so late...

NORTONS SUCKS!!!

I received a uh certain type of software from a friend of a friend that had a full version of Nortons. IT STILL SUCKS. I have been attacked by numerous viruses over the past weekend. I am sure if I looked into it more, Nortons is probably the maker of the virus so I would have to pay to get it removed. Well needless to say, I uninstalled Nortons and put AVG back on. Guess what??? It found viruses and also removed them. How about that, a software that actually does what it supposed to freakin do!!! Note to self, AVG is my friend.

Pimp My Bike 2

Pimp My Bike

This Little Piggy Went to the Market

This little piggy went to the market,
This little piggy stayed at home,
This little piggy had roast beef,
This little piggy had none,
And this little piggy Cried “wee-wee-wee” All the way home.

WAIT!!! What in the hell did this piggy do?

New Constellation

This Week In Nascar...

Mark Martin at the Batman Begins 400 at Michigan Speedway

Can you believe it? Dale Jr. actually finished on the lead lap. Hold on tight for this one. He actaully gained ONE POINT on Jimmy Jackass. I was taught in school that a positive is better than a negative. This just might be the turning point for Jr's season. Yeah, we'll see. Next week is a road course. Anything can happen. JR is my driver. I will not give up on him. I have learned to take the good with the bad. So, I am looking for next year to be an awesome year. JR is now 503 points back in 17th.

With eleven weeks till the Chase, there are only eleven drivers left. It looks like the only way that we will have more than ten drivers in the Chase this year is if Jackass and Biffle both have a DNF sometime soon. So much for wishful thinking. Jeff Gordon is the lastest star to drop from eligibility for the Chase. I wonder when the press is going to start writing about and interviewing the shit out of him. The press's boy-wonder is not in the Chase. BOO FREAKIN' HOO!!!

I was pulling for Tony, Sunday. I really thought he was going to pull it off. No problem though. He was the biggest jumper of the week of four spots to 6th, at 311 points back. The biggest dropper of the week that is still in the Chase is Kevin Harvick of three spots to 10th, at 370 points back. Jeff Gordon was the biggest dropper of the week that fell out of the Chase to 12th, at 406 points back.

To Fathers Everywhere...

Happy Father's Day!!!


Father's Day Word Origins

I stood in line for 90 minutes for this moment. Martin Truex Jr #8 Bass Pro Shops - Chance 2 Motorsports (future #1 Bass Pro Shops - Dale Earnhardt Inc)

Grand National Busch Series Rocks

Good Joke or Life Lesson?

My girlfriend and I had been dating happily for over a year when we
decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my
friends definitely encouraged me. My girlfriend???? She was a dream!

Everything you would want in a woman. There was only one thing bothering
me....... That one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, quite attractive,
wore tight miniskirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend
down when near me, and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It
had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister calls and asked me to come over to check the
wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me
that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me
that she could not overcome and did not really want to overcome. She
told me that she wanted ! to make love to me just once before I got
married and committed my life to her sister.

I was in total shock and could not say a word. She said, "I'm going
upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up
and get me."

I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
When she reached the top, she pulled down her panties and threw them
down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went
straight to the front door.

I opened the door and stepped out of the house and walked straight
toward my car in a hurry.

To my surprise, my future father-in-law was standing outside.

With tears in his eyes, he hugged me emphatically and said, "We are very
happy that you have passed our little test. We could not ask for a
better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family son!!!!!"

And the moral of this story is:




Always keep your condoms in your car.

JR Race Chatter

Thanks at least a million and change to the good people who do public relations work for Anheuser-Busch and Dale Earnhardt Jr. for sending this along. Pretty rich stuff.

Best Radio Chatter:
Dale Jr. remained calm, but frustrated, after a second flat tire caused a fairly ominous fire and damage to the left-front corner of the car.
Dale Jr: “Flat tire. Left front’s flat.”
Steve Hmiel (crew chief): “10-4. Gotcha.”
Jimmy Kitchens (spotter): “There’s a lotta sparks. It looks like it’s down on the front sway bar.”
Hmiel: “The left front’s not turnin.’ Let’s get those fire extinguishers…. (to Junior) Do you have brakes? Put that fire out first. Put out the fire… you alright in there June?”
Dale Jr: “’Bout as good as I could be, I guess….”
Hmiel: “Just makin’ sure you’re still breathin’ alright in there.”
Dale Jr.: “What’s cutting the left fronts down?”
Hmiel: “We don’t know. We aren’t crazy on air pressures or camber. It’s the fourth one so far today.”
Dale Jr.: “I’ll ride it to the third flat tire, but then you can get somebody else to get in here for the fourth…”

Can this season get any worse for Junior? It is something every week. You think that the bad luck streak would eventually break. I guess that is also a part of being a die-hard fan. You put up with bad with the good. Last year at this time, JR was first in the points. Well, this year he is in 16th, 504 points back. I think the only thing that could save this season is a bad luck streak for Jimmie Jackass. It doesn't look like that is going to happen. The Hendrick teams have their shit together this year.

Sunday was a bitter sweet day for Carl Edwards (99-Nextel, 60-Busch). He won at Pocono, PA for the Nextel Series. He fell to fourth in the points in the Busch Series because the race was in Nashville, TN and he wasn't there for the race. If Nascar would have started the Busch race Saturday night, even for one lap, Edwards would have been "the driver of record". This would have allowed another driver to drive for him and Edwards to get all the points earned by that driver. But that didn't happen. Reed Sorenson now leads the Busch Series points with Martin Truex Jr and Clint Bowyer 51 points back. Carl is 96 points back.

We are now down to twelve drivers for the Chase. Carl Edwards was the big jumper of five spots to 4th, 303 points back. Tony Stewart was the big dropper of the week of five spots to 10th, 380 points back. With only 12 races left, it doesn't look good for either DEI driver. They both need a lot of help!

Cops are serious these days. It is funny to watch these videos at baitcar.com.

Insanity Defense???

On April 25, Gregory Despres arrived at the U.S.-Canadian border crossing at Calais, Maine, carrying a homemade sword, a hatchet, a knife, brass knuckles and a chain saw stained with what appeared to be blood. U.S. customs agents confiscated the weapons and fingerprinted Despres.

The following day, a gruesome scene was discovered in Despres’ hometown of Minto, New Brunswick: The decapitated body of a 74-year-old country musician named Frederick Fulton was found on his kitchen floor. The man’s head was in a pillow case under a kitchen table. His common-law wife was discovered stabbed to death in a bedroom.

Coo Coo, Coo Coo!!!

This week in Nascar...

Well, this week sucked for DEI. Now both drivers are out, looking in on the Chase. JR fell out this week due to a 22nd finish. He is now 15ht, 418 points back of Jackass. Michael Waltrip's season isn't getting any better. He sits 17th, 493 back. If it wasn't for bad luck, they would have no luck at all this year. Half of the regular season is now over. This next half has to have a lot happen for these two or just one to make the Chase.

The biggest highlight of the weekend in the Cup was Tony punting Jeff Gordon. He had every right to. If it was the closing laps, I could see blocking for position and points. If you have a slower car during the race, especially that early, move the fuck out of the way. Like Tony said, "All he had to do was move up and let us go and 20 laps later if he was faster we would've let him go right back by." Nascar is turning into a "me first" mentality. Respect and courtesy for other drivers has flown out the window. I think it all started when SR died. There is no one on the track to keep everyone in check. If Tony needs to be the man to do that job, so be it. I will back him almost every time.

I can't list all of his post race quotes. They were all good. I love this quote from Tony because it is the truth.
"Jeff's always whining like that. If somebody does something to Jeff it's always their fault. That's just Jeff Gordon."

It looks as if the best way for some of these drivers to get their season back on track, will be for Biffle and Jackass to wreck into each other. The biggest jumper of the week was Mark Martin of 6 spots. He now sits 6th, 324 back. The biggest dropper of the week was Jeff Gordon of 6 spots. He now sits 11th, 350 back. JR and Jarrett were those that fell out of the Chase.

I know this is from the Busch Series, but I have to get this out. Congrats to Martin Truex Jr on his win this week. That is his third this year. He is now sitting 3rd, 120 points behind Carl Edwards. Keep it up Truex! A repeat championship, just like your car owner, before coming up to the cup would be awesome. Keep digging!!!

Please let this be true

IRAQ: FALLUJAH SHEIKH SAYS AL-ZARQAWI DIED ON FRIDAY

It figures that I read this on a blog before I read it on any MSM website.

Two Dead Blondes

One blond says to another, "how did you die?"

"I froze to death," says the second.

"That's awful" says the first blonde. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"

"It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second blonde. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping."

"How about you, how did you die?" asked the second blonde.

"I had a heart attack," says the first blonde. "You see I knew my husband was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found him alone watching TV. I ran to the basement, but no one was hiding there either. I ran to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died.

The second blonde shakes her head. "What a pity ... if you had only looked in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."